Just as sorry as you are . . .

I. OmskInfoInfo

OmskInformation Productions is an "infotainment" enterprise created in the furor of the unstoppable AMERICAN ECONOMIC JUGGERNAUT; a risky bandwagon jump to build my 401(k) with steel-belted cinderblocks, flags waving, rockets firing and etc.

The foamy sea of American mediocrity is a dangerous and swampy place to be, and, with God's blessing, OmskInformation Productions will salvage us all!

NOTICIAS y DIRECCIONES: OmskInformacion Producciones no es culpable para:

Pobredad

El trabajo del diablo

Duele

Fascistos

Hombres armados

Nin~os muertos

Bebes sin comidas

Arboles sin agua

El cielo sin el sol

Implementos medicos en las playas del Nueva York y Nueva Jersey.

2. OmskInfo Mission Statement

OmskInformation Productions is dedicated to serving the needs of the masses and a commitment to excellence. We got a bunch of stickers in elementary school that had phrases like "GREAT!" and "SUPER!" on them, so we're qualified as shit. Please address all complaints to:

Gabriel Garcia-Marquez
Macondo, Colombia.

RULES y REGULATIONS

No loitering.

No eating on the train.

It's a good idea to abstain from cream and sugar in coffee.

If you use cream and sugar in your coffee, you don't like coffee.

If you're fat, try to stay indoors in the summer, or expect to sweat.

It is against the law to distribute gasoline into an improper container.

No flash photography.

Lemonade stands pop up on occasion. Don't be afraid to take 'em out.

Clean, beautiful.

Everything pristine.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.

I'm a vegetarian because I HATE VEGETABLES.

If you're ever on a talk show, don't set it on fire.

Let's get things nice and sparkling clear.

Please use headphones.

All complaints should be addressed to the above recipient.

If you're working on two songs that you like but can't seem to get moving, try combining them!

Outside my window, the passing night sky fills with people I know. Taking me

Home.

That's it, sir; you're leaving.

The crackle of pigskin

The dust and the screaming

The yuppies networking

The panic, the vomit,

The panic, the vomit,

God loves his children

God loves his children

Yeah.